Shapiro’s mom (Denise) has got it going on. She has hilarious one-liners and insights which TVT fans got to hear first-hand. Denise called into the show, right before the holidays, for an intensive, on-air therapy session with her boy, (and ours) Brian.
Clinical Psychologist and DC radio host, Dr. Alexis Moreno, was on standby to delve into 39 tumultuous years of Shapiro “mommy issues.” She also provided some general guidance on surviving the holidays after an overdose of family time.
Shapiro immediately put his mom on the spot by asking why so many people think he’s crazy/entitled/selfish. Denise didn’t skip a beat and went right into defensive mommy mode: “I think you’re just fine. You’re very comical. You like to joke around a lot. You make people laugh on the show. You’re not crazy.”
Shapiro claimed this rave review was just a show for the audience and “the real mom” he knew would be calling him names and chastising him for putting off getting an oil change. Mama Denise kept it real: “Well, you are a procrastinator.”
While Shapiro agreed this may be a fair critique of him, he then turned the tables on his mother and insisted that she should admit to “being a little crazy.” Denise was not taking the bait and rebutted Shapiro’s claim. She reminded him that she was a PTA president for a prestigious school for 3 years. Um, hello?! Could a crazy person hold such an important title? We think not.
Shapiro would not relent and showed his “inner brat” is still alive and thriving: “Where is the mother I know who constantly insults me, and her husband? What happened to THAT mom?”
Denise chose to take the high road and showed fierce maternal instincts. She protected her dear boy, even as he, once again, put his own mother on the hot seat. “There’s so many people listening to this. They may think you’re crazy and turn off the radio.” That’s right, mother of the year Denise took one for the team to protect Shapiro’s cred as a rising radio star.
No on-air family therapy session would be complete without sharing cherished memories and honored family traditions– but this is Shapiro we’re talking about, so of course he seized the moment to ask Denise when she last banged his dad.
Denise seemed to understand that parental sex, coupled with Shapiro’s discomfort, makes for great radio. She didn’t hold back: “He’s 71 and I’m 63 years old. I have hyperparathyroidism and it causes increased sex drive. But your dad, he just wants to take a nap.” Denise then admitted the last time she banged her husband was about two days ago. Shapiro acknowledged he may need psychological help to deal with this admission.
Shapiro then decided to switch gears and actually ask his mother a “normal” question of how she met his dad. Denise and her brother were ping-pong players in high school, and Shapiro’s dad was at the same tournament. He approached Denise with this epic and smooth line: “I’ll get you a new paddle if you go on a date with me.”
While Denise agreed to the date, (dinner and a movie) she was shocked when Shapiro’s dad asked that they split the bill. A simple “WHAT?” by Denise, spoken with conviction, put the kibosh on that and he paid the full amount (and continued to do so for the next 40 years of marriage!)
Psychologist Dr. Alexis Moreno, who had been listening and analyzing this dynamic mother/son duo, provided a clinical opinion that their relationship was “very sweet.” Much to the chagrin of Shapiro, who seemed to be on a mission to pin all his dysfunction on his mother, Dr. Moreno provided an alternative outlook: “You can tell how much she loves you, and is trying to protect you. She’s even trying not to say anything that could make the audience stop listening to your show.”
Dr. Moreno congratulated Shapiro and his mom for being comfortable enough with each other where Shapiro could address his parents’ sex life. Denise once again brought up her hyperparathyroidism and her increased libido: “I have a husband who’s 9 years older than I am. That’s a problem.” Shapiro decided to be a helpful son, and threw in a suggestion: “I’ll take dad to the strip club tonight.” Denise agreed: “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”
The topic of the holidays was broached since Shapiro announced he’d soon be making his yearly trek to Connecticut for quality family time (and to help his dad duct-tape everything in the house…it’s a thing apparently).
Dr. Moreno pointed out how ridiculous it is that we tend to only experience our families in small doses throughout the year, and then somehow expect to be fine dealing with a massive binge of family time on the holiday. “If you’re feeling guilt/shame that you are not looking forward to it, keep that in check. Give yourself that compassion. It’s abnormal to expect everything to go smoothly.”
Shapiro seemed to prep himself for the question that would undoubtedly be the hot topic at Christmas dinner- When is he actually going to settle down, marry a nice Jewish girl, and give his mom some more grandkids?
Denise agreed that it’s “nice to be from the same culture,” but Shapiro made sure to be a dream killer with this indignant response: “That’s impossible because I want a woman who eats bacon every single day.”
Sounds like a case of mommy issues up the yin yang, but Mama Denise was still a gem and never said a bad word on air about her baby. What a woman.
Shapiro needs to add Dr. Alexis Moreno to his speed dial. If you’d like to pick her brain for guidance on dealing with crazy family drama, go to witandreason.com.